(Ephesians 4:29) "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers."
(Colossians 4:6) "Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man."
I remember very vividly four years ago getting ready to partake of a noon meal at somebody's house on a Sunday afternoon. There were a couple of preachers there making mention of a particular couple that weren't married at the time. They both were commenting on the situation and then I made a particular comment about the situation. One of the preachers told me that I needed to study to be quiet (I Thessalonians 4:11). He couldn't have been more on target. I'm not saying that just in reference to a comment I made about that particular situation. However, when I mediate on the verse in I Thessalonians 4:11, there are two things that I see that verse instructing us to do. The first thing is we are to mind our own business and not be busybodies interfering in the affairs of others that don't concern us. The second thing I see out of that verse is the need to utilize discernment when speaking. We should use discernment in everything we say. Matthew 12:36 says we'll given an account for every idle word we utter in the day of judgment. I guarantee you many will be giving account of the words that have proceeded forth from their mouths. How many times do we say things that have no meaning or value? More than we can imagine. There was an old Baptist preacher by the name of Dr. Percy Ray years ago who never said much many times when he was with people on an individual basis. He was asked why he didn't say much and he made reference to the scripture which says we'll give an account for every idle word we utter. Our speech is very serious in God's eyes. It says much about who we are. What we say, when we say it, and how we say it are of the utmost importance when it comes to our testimony. Many Christians have ruined their testimony or have caused hard feelings among others due to the careless use of their tongue. They've said things that they had no business saying. They've been a stumblingblock to weaker Christians and they have marred their testimony before those who don't know Christ. The Bible mentions much about the tongue. James 3:6 declares "And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that if defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell." The little member that we use to taste food with can be used to honor and glorify God or it can be used to burn down a forest. Many people's lives have been ruined due to the devastation that the tongue can cause. That's why God said the tongue is set on fire of hell. We better recognize how devastating the tongue is if it's unbridled. It can cause untold damage when it's not bridled.
Over the years I've heard many preachers preach on the imporance of apologizing and seeking forgiveness when we say something that offends our brother or sister. When I say offend I'm not making reference to shining the light of truth on sin or the man of God that preaches against sin in the pulpit. I'm speaking of the brethren making hurtful, unnecessary, uncanny statements that we don't have any business in making nor is it our business to make such statements. That's the point I'm making when I speak of offending. I don't minimize that for one second. If you've said or done something to offend your brother, then you have the responsibility to make it right. However, I believe preachers need to spend more time preaching preventative maintenance. I believe preachers need to emphasize the importance of following I Thessalonians 4:11. We all need to meditate upon the importance of studying to be quiet. If we would do so I guarantee you we wouldn't have to spend half as much time apologizing and seeking forgiveness for making unnecessary comments. I believe some people think it's more spiritual when you say something that offends your brother and you go apologize to your brother to make the situation right than to guard your tongue and not have to apologize. Again I'm not minimizing what the Bible says about making things right with your brother. We need to be Christian enough to say we're sorry when we were careless with our tonuge. However, it's more spiritual to not place ourselves in situations where we have to apologize frequently than to be careless with our tongue and apologize frequently. A person that controls their tongue can possess their vessel. You can't possess your vessel in honor if you don't bridle your tongue. A person with no control over their tongue isn't temperate. The fruit of the Spirit can't operate freely in a Christian's life if they can't bridle their tongue.
There are some people who are the type that always have to either have the last word or have to make a statement. They can't be content with just being silent and not saying anything. Those type of people tend to place their foot in their mouth. Sometimes they'll interfere in other people's business. God says we need to mind our own business and labor for our own bread. If we would devote more time trying to focus on being what God desires us to be for his glory than to solve all the brethrens' problems in the church, we would be better off. Many times God can accomplish more by our not saying anything or saying few words than trying to display our "wisdom" and make a fool of ourselves. I've been guilty myself in times past in trying to display what I thought I knew. It turned out I would have been better off in not giving my opinion than to say what I did.
One major area where Christians need to use discernment when it comes to speech is when consoling those who are in the grieving process. Many times whenever somebody loses a loved one or a young couple lose a child in its infancy many of the brethren will use Romans 8:28 to attempt to comfort those that are grieving. I've even been guilty of doing that over the years. I've had to learn that the only thing you can do to console those who are grieving is just to remind them you love them and are praying for them. Just knowing that you care and are praying for them is more comforting than all the flattering and swelling words you can utter. Those that are grieving know that Romans 8:28 is true. They're in a state of grief and they're having to adjust to the situation at hand. When it comes to the issue of accepting a loss or whatever the situation might be, there's nothing one can do to help the person experiencing the loss to move forward. That's something the grieved individual must do themselves. It takes time and help from the Lord and loved ones to heal a grieving individual. All the swelling words in the world aren't going to help them to heal. Just be there for the grieving individual and let them know that you love them and are praying for them. That does more to help a grieving individual than anything. Also, be willing to be available to talk if the grieved individual needs a shoulder to lean on. You have to allow the grieved invidual space to grieve and move on. Allow them to say what they desire from you.
Another situation involving discernment to those in grief is when it comes to couples' inability bearing children. There have been many well-meaning people that have asked young childless couples when are they going to bring children into the world. I know that may sound harmless but sometimes that can be heart-wrenching to some young couples, esp. if they're experiencing problems when it comes to conception. You would be amazed at the number of couples that desire to have a child that aren't able to conceive. There are blogs on the internet where women write about the difficulties they and their husband have experienced in trying to bear children. There are many couples that face infertility issues. There are couples that face issues with infertility that don't desire to advertise to the world that they are having problems in that area. To some couples it's embarassing and agonizing to admit they can't bear children. I've heard of women that have had a difficult time going to church on Mother's Day. They couldn't stand to see mothers at that church being honored for being mothers and they themselves couldn't be recognized because of their inability to produce children. It's difficult for some women to bear. Many times well-meaning people will try to utter words of comfort to those that can't bear children. Instead, it excerbates the problem. Women in those kinds of situations need to be in a support group with other women who face infertility issues so they can discuss their dilemma in a group setting. Many times it's difficult to know how to communicate with those that are in a state of grieving. I've had to learn the hard way over the years it's best to say you care about them and are praying for them than to express words of comfort to a grieving individual. It's difficult to comfort a grieving individual. Only time and grace from God will heal that individual.
A couple of years ago I was talking to a young lady who at one time was engaged to be married. I had asked about her "boyfriend" and to my dismay I learned they had broken up. At the time, she was undergoing a difficult experience being engaged and then all of a sudden the relationship ended. I had told her that the Lord would send her the right man. That was another learning experience for me. I had to learn the hard way if you're not close friends with a particular individual you need to be careful what statements you make when they're going through a grieving process. Even though I believe the Lord will send the right man for her in his timing, it wasn't my place to say that to her. When a young man or young woman is grieving because of a failed relationship, they don't want to be told that everything will be okay or the Lord will send them a (wife) or (husband) in His timing. The best thing to do is pray for them and be there to talk to them if they need you. It's easy to make statements like that when you're not the one that's grieving. I should've learned that lesson myself but I didn't. It's very easy to belt out words of comfort to those who are hurting when we're not the ones experiencing the grief. Consequently, if the tables were turned and we were the ones experiencing the grief, I wonder how well we would handle all the comforting words? I venture to say we wouldn't handle it well.
I could use numerous examples concerning areas where we need to be more thoughtful and use discernment when it comes to communicating with other people. I will say in closing we need to use our eyes to see and ears to listen twice as much as we use our mouths to speak. It would benefit us if we would we muse and contemplate what we are going to say before we say it. Most of the time what we think is important for us to tell somebody isn't half as important as we might think. If you have something that's genuinely important to say you should say it. However, we need to avoid saying something just so we can be heard. If we're going to make a statement, it needs to be meaningful. It needs to make a point. Otherwise, we need to keep silent. Does that mean a person can't or shouldn't socialize with other people? Of course not. Is it wrong for a person to be a conversationalist? Of course not. I have no problem with people talking hours on end as long as the discussion material is edifying and beneficial. If the discussions you engage in meet the criteria of Philippians 4:8 then you can speak unto your head falls off your body. I'm exaggerating somewhat but I hope you understand my point. There are numerous topics people can discuss. That's why it's so important for people to receive a good, quality education. Those who are properly educated have plenty of conversation material they can discuss with others. That will stop a lot of foolish gossip. What I'm criticizing are those people that use their tongues for gossip to maliciously hurt and destroy other people. I'm speaking about those that have nothing better to discuss than other people's faults and habits. I'm also speaking about those that will use their tongue to reveal things that have no business being discussed before a mixed audience or those that speak about issues that should be kept private.
Those that have a problem in bridling their tongue need to find a life. They need to put their hands to something constructive and engage their time in being productive. They need to read and study to show themselves approved. They need to use their tongue to speak about those things which are wholesome and edifying. If church members would study to be quiet, we won't have half the problems with gossip and slander in the church. We also won't have half as many people having to apologize and ask for forgiveness because they couldn't bridle their tongue. It's more expedient to guard our tongue than to loose it and destroy somebody's character and reputation with it. Once you say something that's hurtful or damaging, you can't retract it. I don't care how sincere or repentant you are. You can't pick up the pieces once the damage has been committed. You will leave an impression upon the person that you've offended that you may never wipe away. Words do hurt. Words do inflict pain. Even if you're sincere when you ask for forgiveness, the person that's been offended will have the impression in their minds that if you offended once, you could do it again. That's why preventative maintenance is an absolute necessity. It's better not to offend than to offend and try to pick up the pieces, which you can never do. Your speech is serious to God. We need to guard our tongue and be cautious in what we allow to proceed forth from our mouth.
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